In Kyon' Shoes
by Tigris-ISA
Summary: I have switched places with Kyon in episode one of Haruhi Suzumiya no Yuutsu. How will it be different?
1. Chapter 1

This is a stupid idea that's been running through my head for a while now. I just need to get it typed and over with. There will be some significant differences between the original Haruhi character and the Haruhi in this fanfic. This is simply because I am sooooo different from Kyon.

I don't own Haruhi Suzumiya no Yuutsu (although that would be awesome!). I ownly own my own character.

Kyon's shoes

The topic of when I stopped believing in Santa Clause is so trivial, I wouldn't bother to even refer to it as idle chatter. If you still want to know when I stopped believing in a fat guy who breaks into people houses and leaves commercialized gifts under a dying pine tree, all I can say is this:

I stopped believing in third grade. That was the year I slept in the fireplace.

Other anomalies, however, are a different story. Things like aliens, time-travelers, and mentally endowed humans have always woven their way through my imagination. I honestly think I still (subconsciously at least) believe in their existence.

These subconscious beliefs returned to the front of my mind when my family moved to Japan. I was forced into a local high school and to try to cope without any knowledge of Japanese.

On the first day, I tried to avoid people. This is mostly due to the fact that I have some sort of fear of talking to people who don't know the person behind this brutish exterior.

I sat in a seat in almost the direct center of the classroom. Could I be any dumber? About five minutes later an attractive, popular-looking girl sat in the desk behind me. Oh, wonderful, the last thing I need is to be seated in front of one of those girls who always makes herself look stupid and yet smart.

Our teacher, Okabe-sensei or something, arrived a few minutes late and said something in Japanese. From the little Japanese that I did know, I figured it was some sort of apology. He then went on a thirty-minute monologue about baseball or something. This will be a difficult three years.

"Now I understand that we have a new transfer student," Okabe-sensei surprised me with fluent English. "So why don't we do our introductions in English for him."

I think at this point I was a little flustered from all this unnecessary attention. I then sat through fifteen minutes of introductions until it was finally my turn to speak.

"Uh... hi," I started shakily, "my name is Isaac ******** and I'm from ***** ****** School in *********, Tennessee. I hope I can learn to speak Japanese as well I do English before this year is through. Thank you." And I sat down awkwardly after that blunt conclusion... what an idiot!

It was then the girl-behind-me's turn to introduce herself.

"My name is Haruhi Suszumiya, from East Jr. High. Let me just start off by saying: I'm not interested in ordinary humans. However, if any of you are aliens, time travelers, or espers, please come see me. That is all." She remained standing for a while before sitting down. During the awkward silence when almost everybody else was staring at her, I focused my vision intently on a stray chalk mark on the blackboard. Inside my head, thoughts buzzed.

I was so deep in thought that I almost completely ignored the rest of the introductions. The exception being this one kid who's name sounds remarkably like Tamagotchi.

The next day I decided to have a quick chat with Haruhi.

"That was some pretty crazy stuff you said yesterday... were you serious about that?" I asked tentatively without turning around. "I mean about the aliens et al."

"Why, are you an alien or something?" she retorted.

I turned in my seat to see a completely serious face. "I don't think I should answer that question at this moment..." Isaac you idiot!

"Then why bother talking to me?" Haruhi half-shouted. "If you don't want to explain yourself to me then don't waste my time with stupid questions."

When all else fails, insult thine self. "Hey, I may be stupid, but at least I'm ugly!" This drew a perplexed and frustrated look onto Haruhi's face. Check mate!

"Shut up!" was that her best response to self-ridicule? I decided to turn around and focus on another stray mark on the chalkboard. That was when I noticed the other students around me. The girls were giggling and the guys were gesturing strangely towards me. Will I ever understand the Japanese?

Later that day, during the one hour lunch break, Tamagot... er, Taniguchi was explaining Haruhi.

"I telling you," he said in broken English, "Haruhi is crazy. I were in her class three years. She never did normal things. You ever hear 'Quad Scribbles Incident'?"

"No," both I and another nearby freshman said simultaneously.

"Haruhi used thing that is used to write white lines on football field to write weird symbol on school quad. She even admit to it." Taniguchi explained.

"Yeah," the other freshman said, "I think read about that in the local news articles. It look like a messed up Nazca drawing."

"Then there was a time she..." I spaced out to look out the window. I noticed Haruhi standing on the roof of a nearby building. What's she up to?

"But she's not hard to see, you know," Taniguch continued. "She got great body and she super athletic. All the similar, I suggest you avoid Haruhi."

"Why's that?" I asked, not really paying attention.

"She goes through phases," Taniguchi started looking almost nostalgic. "There was time when she dates one guy after other after other. I think longest relation were two weeks. The shortest were when a guy ask her out, she say yes, then dump his butt five minutes later."

"Then why'd you say 'okay'?" I asked out of pure curiosity.

"Hm?... No! It weren't me, It was just story I hear." He hurriedly explained. Liar! "Don't go getting ideas, Isaac. Take advice: Forget it!"

What's to forget? Did he think I... naaaahhhh...

Later, we were on the bleachers along side the sprint course.

"If I was you," Taniguchi said, "there be only one girl I'd go for: her." He pointed to a blue-haired girl at the finish line. "Ryoko Asakura, she's in top three freshman girls!"

"Wait!" I half-shouted, "you mean to tell me you've 'checked out' every new girl at school already? You're even worse than Paul!" Damn-it, Isaac, don't start thinking about your old friends. Lukily Taniguchi ignored this last part.

"Heck, yeah!" Taniguchi excitedly retorted, "I rank all of them from A to D. I memory first name of all A-list girls!" This guy is creeping me out... officially.

"Really?" the other guy (who I now know as Kunikida) asked. "What's Asakura's rating?"

"AA+!" Taniguchi exclaimed with a blinding smile.

During all of this, Haruhi seemed pretty normal... with a few exceptions. There were certain eccentricities that even an oblivious American couldn't miss.

Haruhi-ism numero uno: Her ever-changing hairstyles. On Monday she wore her hair down, no ribbons, no braids. Tuesday, she tied her hair into a single ponytail or braid. Wednesday, she tied off her hair in two places. This sometimes made her look a little like Chun-Li from Street Fighter. Thursday, she tied off her hair in a third position, which began to look a little cluttered. Friday, a fourth tie-off point! I wonder what she does on Sundays? As if I'd ever see that... As the days went by, she increased the number of places where her hair was tied off. She'd reset this on Monday.

Haruhi-ism number two: She doesn't care what we think. Every day, before gym class, the guys and girls separate to change into their gym clothes. Haruhi didn't like to wait for the guys to leave the room. She just abruptly began changing when the bell rang. Asakura had to force Taniguchi and the other perverts (including myself) out into the hallway with the help of several other girls.

Haruhi-ism kendro gurig: Haruhi has a decision making problem. She joined every single club and sports team for a brief amount of time before turning her back on the group. All the sports teams begged for her to join, yet she said no. Though I'm no jock, I still know better than to turn down someone who honestly believes you're really good at... whatever it is you're good at. Now that I think about it, I think I should join the art club, but something is holding me back...

Before I knew it, the Golden Week vacation (whatever that is) had come and gone. When I got to the classroom I noticed Haruhi had her hair in Chun-Li buns again. I guess it must be Wednesday. I honestly have no idea of what possessed me to do what I did next.

"Why do you change your hairstyle daily because it synthesizes time-travel?" I asked non-sarcastically.

"So, when did you notice?" Haruhi responded. I was surprised, I expected her to tell me to shut up or something.

"Second day of school, actually," I replied honestly. I guess I'm smarter than the average American, huh?

"I see..." she said softly as she turned her head away. Sure, Haruhi, avoid looking at the beast and it will go away! I guess I'll just turn around then... "Actually I have this theory," Haruhi interrupted my slow turn back to the front with her explaination, "that every day gives off a different image. Monday is yellow, Tuesday's red, Wednesday is blue, Thursday's green, Friday's gold, Saturday is btown, and Sunday absolutely has to be white." I have no idea what she's talking about... I must be a worse artist than I thought...

"So, on mathematical terms, Monday is zero and Sunday is six, right?" I inquired.

"Right," she replied flatly.

"I think you should be a little more spontaneous," I suggested. "Y'know, mix up the numbers and colors to surprise those who have noticed your pattern."

"Right, this coming from a guy who has the same mop-crop on his head every day," was her angry retort.

"It's called a mullet!" I retorted. "Besides, it was only my opinion."

"No one asked for your opinion did they?" she spat venom at me. Then she turned her head towards mine and examined my face the point that I was almost as creeped out as I was by Taniguchi. "Have I met you before?" Haruhi finally asked.

"I suppose it's possible, seeing as there are no constants when certain variable are in affect," I said, trying to confuse her again. She just sighed and looked towards the windows. I decide to turn back to the front of the room. I still can't believe Haruhi replied in a half-decent way. I was expecting something like 'shut up, stupid' or 'stupid westerner.'

When I arrived at school the next day to see Haruhi with all her hair chopped off and in a small pony tail, I was shocked to say the least.

"Don't you think cutting off most of your hair and still trying to make it into a pony tail is a little... eccentric?" I asked tentatively.

Not looking away from the window, she simply said, "not really."

Ever since that day, talking to Haruhi right before home room had become sort of a routine of mine. I can't believe the question I asked her, though. I mean, I don't even care about that kind of stuff.

"So, is it true you've dumped every guy you've dated?" I asked hesitantly.

"What gives you the right to ask me a personal question like that?" Haruhi asked in exasperation. "Whatever, I don't care what you've heard. It's probably true anyway."

"Good to hear," I half-chuckled, "because if they had dumped you, I'd hate to know what would happen to 'em." I smiled broadly.

"They would have dumped me anyway," Haruhi said nonchalantly. "They were all WAY to serious. Not one of them was a time-traveler, alien, or even an esper. It seems as though every male in the entire universe is pathetic!" Excuse me? Did I just hear what I think I heard?

"So would you be into someone like an alien?" I asked stupidly.

"Yeah, an alien would be great! As long as they're not normal, I wouldn't care if it was a guy or a girl." Haruhi, do you realize what you are making my brain do? Damn Yuri addiction!

"What about the possibility of an alien species with more than two genders?" I wonder if she'll figure out...

"I hadn't thought about that..."

"Anyway, why do you have to date a non-human?" I asked.

"Because that makes life more interesting!" This final outburst ended the conversation.

At the beginning of the lunch break, Haruhi stood up and left the room. Before I could wonder too long, I was confronted by Taniguchi.

"Isaac, I need know what magic you use!" he said in his still broken English. "I never see Haruhi talk long before, what you said?" I honestly don't know. As far as I remember, it was just some random babbling.

Ryoko Asakura then walked up to us and said, "I want to know how you do it. No matter what I say, Haruhi always ignores me. What do you do?"

"If I knew, I'd tell you, but since I don't..." I let my comment linger.

"Perhaps you could act as our ... spokesperson to Haruhi...?" Asakura suggested. I was about to reject. "Pretty please?" shit! How did she know I have a weakness for... oh right, I have male human DNA...

Everyone has become idiots!

Okabe-sensei decided we should switch seats one random day. I picked a number out of a cookie tin that landed me in the desk second from the back right next to the windows. I half-hoped Haruhi would be seated somewhere nearby, but there was a miniscule chance of that happening.

Weird coincidence, she ended up in the seat directly behind mine... again...

I turned around to spark up another conversation. "I heard you scouted al the clubs in school, let me know if there are any interesting ones."

"Absolutely none," she said with conviction. It was a little to brief of a conversation for me to drop it there.

"Aren't there any that you think might be at least a little interesting?" I might be pushing my luck here.

"No, just some Sherlock Holmes fans and a bunch of occult freaks." She replied without averting her gaze from the window. "I wish there were some interesting club out there."

"Why not make your own?" I suggested.

She stared at me blankly, "go on..."

"Well, when what people want doesn't exist, someone with the ingenuity and intelligence to do so creates what they want. Think of the Wright brothers, Henry Ford, Benjamin Faranklin, and-"

"Give me a non-American example, idiot!" Haruhi growled in frustration.

"Uh... how 'bout Hamurabi, Romulus, and uhhhhhh..." I am so stupid!

"Shut up and let me think for myself..." Haruhi mumbled as the stared back out the window. I have a bad feeling about what I've just done... It's strangely enjoyable...

Later that day, during class, Haruhi grabbed the back of my uniform and slammed my head against the front ledge of her desk.

I let out a weak "ow..." before cautiously turning my head to look at the pony-tailed menace. "Why?" I asked in the same creaky whisper.

"I've got an idea!" she shouted excitedly. "if it doesn't already exist I'll just make my own!"

"Make your own what?" I asked shakily.

"Make a club!" the smile she put on was shining brighter than Tokyo at night.

"Shouldn't you wait until after class?" I asked, pointing my finger towards the front board. She sat back quietly. Does she really think she can make outbursts like that in the middle of class?

When the bell rang signaling the end of morning classes, Haruhi grabbed me by my uniform's tie and dragged me out of the classroom and up the stairs faster than I could blink. Still holding my tie she decided to fill me in.

"You're going to help!" she shouted. I feel like I'm in a bad sitcom...

"Wouldn't it be easier to ask me nicely to follow you, rather than having you drag me up here?" I asked in partial terror. "I would've said yes to helping you either way, honestly."

"I need you to find out what paperwork needs to be done to create a club. I'm going to go find a room and some members," Haruhi never ceases to amaze me.

Rules for new club creation:

5+ members

name

name of person in charge

purpose of organization

There's nothing for me to do... just how I like it!

Only a few short minutes later, I found myself being forced along the school's halls once again by Haruhi. She pulled me through a door over which was a sign that read: 'Literature club.'

"This is going to be our new club room!" Haruhi shouted excitedly.

"Where are we?" I asked.

"This is the old building. This is the place where clubs that don't require specific rooms come to meet. This was the Literary club's room." She explained. "All the senior members graduated, so the only member left is this freshman," she walked over and put her hand on a grey-haired girl's shoulder. The girl lifted her head from the book she was reading.

"Yuki Nagato," she said before returning to her reading.

"So, Ms. Nagato," I inquired, trying my best to be polite, "Can we use this room for Haruhi's club?" I was met with a nod. "Alright, work's for me!"

"It's settled then!" Haruhi shouted. "From now on we'll meet in this room every day after school. If you show up even a second late, it'll be the death penalty!"

"Honestly, Haruhi, can't you be a little more creative with your punishments?" I said only half-sarcastically.

On our way back to class, Haruhi explained the remaining requirements we hadn't yet met... which were all of them. Somehow Yuki had been included as a member of this crazy club already.

The next day after class, Haruhi excitedly shouted "I'll meet you there" then bolted from the classroom. I found myself eagerly jogging to the clubroom.

"So," I said to Yuki, who was already in the room, "what are you reading?" She held up the book so I could see the cover. "Sorry, but I can't read Japanese." I explained in embarrassment.

"_Dune_," she said simply.

Ah, _Dune,_ I do have such fond memories of reading that book in eighth grade. "What d'you think of it?" I asked.

"Unique," she said. Why all the single-word answers?

"I see..." I said as I sat down in one of the chairs around the long central table.

Haruhi burst in with her Tokyo-bright grin. "Sorry I'm late! I got a little behind because it took me forever to catch her!" She pulled her prisoner in through the door. Another girl? My stupid human-esque brain is thinking some pretty messed up stuff right now.

The red-head began asking questions in Japanese. That's when Haruhi locked the door. The questions became more and more frantic.

Haruhi whispered something else in Japanese. The new girl cringed. "Allow me to introduce Mikuru Asahina!"

"Where'd she come from?" I asked with multiple emotions rolling off my tongue at once.

"I found her daydreaming her brains out in a Junior classroom. I make a point of searching every inch of this school during lunch break." Haruhi's grin got about a yard wider.

"I'd question your reasoning, but I know it wouldn't go anywhere anyway..." I started. "Oh, who am I kidding! Why did you pick her of all the juniors?"

"You really are a westerner!" Haruhi scouled. "Just look at her! She's adorable!"

"Pervert," I regret nothing!

"Best part is," Haruhi slid behind Mikuru and grabbed her... upper erogenous... breasts, Haruhi grabbed Mikuru Asahina's breasts. "She has enormous brests! I mean her face is so cute and her boobies are so big! It kinda pisses me off." Haruhi then released the girl from her grasp and walked over to me. "go on, feel 'em!"

At the sight of Ms. Asahina cowering I decided to ignore my testosterone. "I think I'll pass, no matter how tempted I am."

"So now we have a moe character in our club," Haruhi explained to me.

"I wish I didn't understand what you just said, but unfortunately, I did. Please don't say it again or I may be forced to... nevermind..." I remembered I was in Japan, not Tennessee.

"Isaac, you confuse and disturb me," Haruhi stated bluntly. "Back to business. I though that our new club needed a mascot, when I saw Mikuru, I knew it had to be her. Mikuru, are you a member of any other clubs?"

"T-the calligraphy club," Mikuru said in English.

"Just quit that one," I said with an air of self-importance. "It'll only get in the way of Haruhi's club."

Mikuru looked to Yuki and said. "Alright, I understand... I'll quit the calligraphy club. I'm just not sure what it is the literary club does."

"We're not the literary club," Haruhi explained, "we're the SOS Brigade and we're just using this room because the literary club has been disbanded."

"When did we become the SOS Brigade?" I asked in exasporation.

"Just now," Haruhi replied. I'd prefer not to go over the acronym, as the translation is a little varying.

And so it ways decided: we will be called the SOS Brigade. Do I smell my leas favorite meal being cooked? It smells like the recipe for disaster!

I should probably have abridged this a little... oh well. Please, no flames.


	2. Chapter 2

In Kyon's Shoes 2

It's been about a month since I started school here in Japan, and the early morning hikes have started to feel like a bad escort mission. Then something hit me, something that felt like one of Tennessee's worse tornadoes, which sent my new life in Japan into overdrive.

Now my new life has officially begun, thanks to the eccentric Haruhi Suzumiya.

"Good morning," a slightly familiar voice came from behind me. "I just forgot, I had class duties early this morning, see you in class," I tried to avoid eye contact with Ryoko Asakura as she ran past me. It's no surprise that a girl like her is in my class. I always seem to get stuck with the people who are most likely to shun me, so why did she go out of her way to talk to me?... or at least... in my general direction.

It seems that all the people who I consider friends end up far away from me in school, so why was Haruhi in my calss? Wait, did I just say Haruhi, that pony-tailed Diablo, was my friend?

"So, Isaac," speak of the devil, "can you think of anything else we'll need?"

"Wha-" I tried to ask what she was talking about.

"I wanna get my hands on a mysterious transfer student," Haruhi stated before I could question her meaning.

"Wrong thoughts!" I quietly exclaimed. Thanks to my friends back in America, I always seem to warp phrases like that into inappropriate statements.

"You're such a westerner!" Haruhi shouted at me. "You know I meant for the SOS Brigade! I think we need a mysterious transfer student."

I'm sure Taniguchi would have said the same thing, but I wouldn't say that out loud. "I get it, anyone who transfers into school after spring break... er, Golden Week... is mysterious, correct?"

"Close enough," Haruhi retorted with a slight scoul. What did I do? "I wonder if we'll get anything like that? A mysterious transfer student..."

Apparently, there's a rumor floating around saying that Haruhi and I are up to something. Being me, I just went with it, but Taniguchi just had to bring it up during lunch.

"So, what you and Suzumiya up to? You're no dating are you?" The annoying perv said in his broken English.

"I certainly hope not," I said in a worried tone, "because that'd mean I'm completely oblivious. If we are dating, I'd like to know who forgot to tell me. As to your first question, I'm still not sure what we're doing. I guess I'll always be the last to know."

Kunikida said something in Japanese. All I could understand was the word 'American'. Both boys then started laughing histerically. I really need to learn more Japanese.

"Just do nothing stupid," Taniguchi continued, regaining what little composure he had, "I not know how westerner do thinkgs, but here, you mess up school, you as good as death." Though the horrid grammar made me wince, I understood this last statement loud and clear.

Whatever Haruhi and I are up to, at least I know I won't be alone. It looks like Mikuru and Yuki will be going down with me. Dammit! I just thought like a westerner again!

Ever since the SOS Brigade's creation, the clubroom has been gathering... things... I bet Haruhi plans to host some sort of party when we hit one hundred members. Until that happens, none of these "things" appear as though they'll ever be used.

"We need a computer," Haruhi spontaneously said one random afternoon in the clubroom. "We're living in the information age and we don't even have a computer. I can't forgive them!"

"Ah, the computer, yet another piece of _American_ ingenuity," I knew Haruhi wasn't listening, but I had the urge to say it anyways. "So, do you plan to rob the computer club?"

" 'Rob' is such a strong word," Haruhi said, turning to me. "Let's use the word 'take' for now." Oh, that makes me feel much better.

I watched as Haruhi grabbed a disposable camera from one of the shelves and then grabbed Mikuru Asahina by the hand and dragged her out of the room. Okay, If Mikuru is involved, I'm coming, too. Don't even try to stop me, Haruhi!

I followed Haruhi to the computer club's room as she dragged the terrified Mikuru along behind her.

"Hi, everyone!" Haruhi shouted in Japanese as she burst through the door to the computer room. She then continued on in Japanese. Something about a computer, I'm guessing.

A tawny-haired kid at the opposite end of the room then raised his hand and said "I am" in Japanese. The conversation continued as Haruhi pointed to Mikuru and I in turn explaining that Mikuru is the first and I am the second... whatever that means... Haruhi then leaned in close to the computer nerd and restated her earlier demand with a large grin. The guy then loudly objected which caused Haruhi to smirk evilly.

The sight that followed was what I would characterize as "strangely American." Haruhi grabbed the geek's wrist and wrapped her arm around Mikuru's waist. With her two targets in her grasp, Haruhi then forced the boy's hand directly onto Mikuru's breast. I was taken aback to say the least.

Haruhi then quickly drew the camera and snapped a short series of pictures of the scene. This scene made me think about what Haruhi had said about Mikuru being the first and me being the second. A disturbing thought then came to my mind. Luckily I was brought out of my horrid thoughts by Haruhi knocking the nerd out of his seat and onto the floor on top of Mikuru.

"Tisk tisk tisk," Haruhi said, smiling. She then continued in Japanese as she explained the situation. I'm not sure what was going on, but I could assume that it was blackmail. The guy on the floor then gestured to his fellow nerds who followed this gesture with a series of shouts at Haruhi. Haruhi explained something with a smile. Oh why did I make it my objective in seventh grade to memorize every Japanese curse?

The victim, still on the ground looked to me and asked something in Japanese.

"I'm sorry, I don't speak Japanese," I explained.

"You tell someone right?" The poor guy was relying on me? I was one of Haruhi's cronies, why ask me to vouch for him.

"Sorry, but from the way I see it, you are the only one to blame," did I just say that? "I suggest you do as Haruhi says."

I then found myself lugging a PC all the way back to the club room. I'm not an Apple person or anything, but why does Microsoft have to make the computer and monitor separate?

After this, Haruhi used her pre-recorded blackmail to further force the nerds of the computer club to wire the SOS Brigade room for Internet use. I was then forced to use this new connection to create a website for the SOS Brigade. Thanks to my previous knowledge of web design and programming, along with the pre-installed software, this only took about an hour and a half.

At the end of my brief moment of creativity, I looked up and noticed that Mikuru had not returned to the room. I walked back to the computer room and found her curled up on the floor.

I've never succeeded in talking to girls, ever. I can't believe I tried anyway.

"Miss Asahina, perhaps you shouldn't be part of this," I said semi-calmly. "I mean... uh... who knows what else Haruhi might do? She's almost as crazy as me" Oh, Isaac, you'd be such a lady-killer, if only women had the ability to die from bad jokes...

"It's okay..." she said weakly, "but you stay too, right?" Now why the hell would such a beautiful ask such a question to an ugly foreign troll? "I guess the probably of this happening here on time plane is tall... er... high. I worry about why Nagato here as well..."

"I'm tempted to ask what you mean, but I'm afraid of the consequences," I stated with my normal air of weirdness. How is it that I'm already this comfortable talking to such a girl?

"Oh, I sorry, I was babbling," Mikuru said innocently. "I'm sure I get used to you al in... time..." What a strange word to put emphasis on... "By the way, you not have to be so formal. Please call me Mikuru."

The next day I got to the clubroom and sat in my usual seat.

"What are you doing?" Haruhi shouted at me as she saw me working on my homework at the table. "You're supposed to be working on the website!"

"I thought I finished it yesterday," I said as innocently as an American with a deep voice can be.

"There is no way you finished that website in that amount of time!" She stormed over to the computer and looked at the website I had made. "Huh... I guess you did finish the website... so what are tou gonna do while I look for new members?"

"I could always help you look," I suggested.

"Don't be stupid, Isaac. Americans are as blind as bats. You couldn't find an alien if it walked up to you and said 'hi,'" she retorted. What she doesn't know is that I am no ordinary American. Not only am I an artist but I am also a(n) ***classified information***.

So I spent yet another afternoon in the clubroom just doing my homework. At about five, Haruhi burst in and shouted, "dismissed," before running away again.

As I stood up to leave, Yuki shoved her book towards me. "Here," she said in her monotonous voice, "read it." I looked down at the cover and saw what I suspect was the word DUNE in Japanese. I looked up at her face before responding.

"I'm sorry, I can't read Japanese."

"Look again," she said, pushing the book a little closer. I looked down and saw the familiar cover of one of my favorite science fiction novels... in English... I could've sworn I just saw the title there in Japanese. I took the book and watched Yuki leave the room before exiting myself.

Usually I like to know about the obstacles ahead before I start anything (that's probably the reason I suck at first-person shooters), so why is it that I'm still part of this stupid Brigade? Why do I eagerly commute to the clubroom every day? I hope it's just because I like a quiet place to work.

When I get to the clubroom, both Mikuru and Yuki are in their usual seats. I guess they're asking themselves the same questions as I am... or at least Mikuru is. I think Yuki herself thinks that she comes with the room.

"Where Miss Suzumiya?" Mikuru asked as I sat down.

"Probably 'taking' more equipment," I said nonchalantly.

"Will I have do something like yesterday?" she asked nervously. I certainly hope so! But I wouldn't say that out loud.

"I'll try not to let that happen," I calmly said, "but no promises. I mean, Haruhi scares me more than... oh, wait, you won't get that reference..." I was about to say "a Level 80 Elite Tauren Chieften." Yeah, it's okay to laugh.

Mikuru smiled weakly and said, "I guess that means I'm counting on you, then."

Oh, wonderful, I'm being counted on by a girl who I can't make eye-contact with... I can only imagine the number of ways this could go wrong.

"Yahooooo!" Haruhi shouted in excitement as the burst through the door. Haven't heard that word since I started my email account. Haruhi then put some bags on the table and turned to lock the door, her short ponytail flying behind her. This won't be good...

"First, take a look at this," Haruhi said as the handed me a piece of paper. It was a flier announcing the SOS Brigade. Haruhi had taken the liberty of making a copy with the English translation under the Japanese. I didn't really want to read it right now, so I put it on the table.

"Who are we going to blackmail today?" I asked in a half-excited tone.

Haruhi ignored my comment/question as she went back over to the bags. "And now for this," Haruhi said as the pulled something out of one bag, "ta-daaaa! We're going to be passing out fliers at the front gate wearing these."

"Please tell me I'm not involved," I said as I felt my eyes contract into the depths of my skull to avoid seeing what came next.

"No, you idiot," Haruhi retorted, "Me and Mikuru. We're going to be bunny girls!"

"First of all," I shot back at her, "It's 'Mikuru and I.' Second, You can't do that without breaking laws through some form of technicality. Last, why is it that Mikuru has to do all this stuff; why can't you do it yourself?" Probably the biggest mistake I've made yet...

"If you don't like it, feel free to leave the room," Haruhi shouted as she forcefully pushed me into the hall. "Besides, we need to change."

I could hear Mikuru screaming inside the clubroom as I, dare I say it, eagerly awaited the result of this metamorphosis. When the door finally opened, I could feel my face heat up as blood rushed to two parts of my body.

"So, you think we'll attract attention now?" Haruhi asked as she caught me trying to focus on her face.

"Attention comes in all shapes and sizes, I'm hoping it only comes in the form of students," I said in my semi-philosophical voice. Haruhi then grabbed Mikuru by the hand and dragged her away. She's like the Overmind. Which makes us the cerebrates, I guess.

Upon reentering the room, I noticed that Yuki was pointing at something. I looked down and realized that Haruhi had left her and Mikuru's clothes all over the floor. Am I expected to clean this up? My luck seems to be taking a turn... is it for the better or for worse?

Once I finished picking up the discarded garments, I decided to watch Haruhi and Mikuru through the window in the back of the room. What I saw could only be described as a bad comedy sketch. Haruhi was shouting, screaming rather, at the people who were passing by while trying to hand them fliers. Mikuru was holding her arms close to her chest and hesitantly pointing fliers in the general directions of passers-by. After about ten minutes, a group of teachers ran out to drag Haruhi and Mikuru to the principal's office. This is probably the kind of comedy that got the Flying Circus off the air.

"I can't believe it! Those stupid teachers are always butting in," Haruhi snarled as she entered the clubroom.

"It was the same in America. I've never met a teacher who was willing to let me do whatever I wanted," I find that agreeing is the best way to get on someone's good side. Big surprise, right?

"We didn't even get to pass out half our fliers!" Haruhi continued to rant. Does she even care that she may have just traumatized Mikuru? I don't even think she's aware of it. "That's it for today. Dismissed!" I abruptly turned around as I noticed she was undressing. Keeping my back turned, I picked up my stuff and quickly exited the room.

By the next day, Haruhi had become as infamous as the devil himself. It only got worse when Taniguchi found his way to my desk.

"Look like you're official one of Haruhi's thugs."

"Shut up," I said, looking out the window. The main problem about this isn't that Haruhi is infamous, but that she's taking Mikuru and me down, too.

"I can't believe what I see yesterday," Kunikida needs to work on his past tense verbs. "Two bunny girl stand at the school gate hands out fliers. The girl in red is Mikuru, right?" His English seems to break a little more every day.

"Now everybody talk about you," Taniguchi said with a smug smile. None too reassuring, buddy.

"What exactly is this 'SOS Brigade'?" Ryoko Asakura asked as she walked over to us.

"If I knew, I'm sure I wouldn't like it," I said flatly. Once again, I avoided eye contact.

"It looks like you guys are having a lot of fun, but yesterday's stunt were a little overboard," oh great, now her English is breaking. Do these people even take English classes anymore?

I came to the clubroom and noticed the absence of a certain cerebrate. Mikuru wasn't there.

"I can't believe it," Haruhi said. "Not even a single email even after all that publicity!" I'm guessing that the only emails we get will be requests to see pictures of Mikuru. Maybe I should send an email just to lighten Haruhi's mood.

"Wait," Haruhi interrupted my plotting, "where's Mukuru? Didn't she come to school today?" Apparently not, I've gotten used to strange absences at school. "I even got her a new outfit."

"Why not wear it yourself?" I said, trying not to let my enthusiasm show. "Wouldn't it have the same effect either way?"

Her response was the finger.

A few minutes later, another outburst from Haruhi. "Oh, what is it with these people? Are they holding out on me? Keeping their mysteries to themselves..."

After another hour or so of us doing what we do every day, which is absolutely nothing, Haruhi stood up and left. I decided it was a good idea to leave too.

"Did you read it?" I heard Nagato ask from her seat.

"Actually, I've already read _Dune_," I replied sheepishly, "should I return the book?"

"Non necesse est," she replied in fluent Latin. Latin? How would she know that I'd understand Latin? "Reread it, tonight." She said. I just mumbled an "ok" and left.

Since I had read this book twice before, I skimmed through the first few sections before getting to the important parts. The Fremen warriors had just popped out of the sand and attacked the Harkonnen. I, being a clumsy idiot, dropped the book at the most exciting part. When I picked it up, I noticed a bookmark sticking out of the top.

Written on the bookmark was a message that said 'meet me at the train station' in clear English.

When I got to the station, I saw Yuki sitting on one of the benches. I wonder, was she here yesterday, too?

"Hey, Nagato," I tried to be as formal as was possible for someone from the southern states. "So, why meet here?"

"Follow me," she replied as she walked towards an apartment complex. Dirty thoughts be gone!

When we got to her apartment, I noticed that there was no other sign of life.

"Do you live by yourself?" I asked, remembering all those shows I watched where characters' parents work overseas.

"Yes," she responded immediately.

"So, what did you want to see me about?" I asked hesitantly.

She pushed a cup of tea towards me and told me to drink. After I finished off the tea, she refilled the cup. This series of events repeated itself four or five times. Why was I cursed to be a bottomless pit?

"Not that I'm uncomfortable or anything," I'm a terrible liar when I'm full of hot water, "but would you mind telling me why I'm here?"

"It's about Haruhi Suzumiya," Yuki began quickly, "and in addition, it is about myself. That is what I would like to talk abou."

"Okay, Haruhi and you... in what way?" I asked tentatively.

"It is difficult to find the words, there might be discrepancy's in the transfer of data." Suddenly the image of my eight grade programming class come to mind. "However, please listen. Haruhi Suzumiya and I are not ordinary humans." At this, I placed my left forefinger and thumb on my chin and supported my left elbow with my right hand. This was a gesture I had adopted from one of my favorite video games... but I guess that's not important right now.

"Elaborate," I said with intrigue.

"I mean that she and I are not the same as ordinary human beings. Beings such as your friends Taniguchi and Kunikida. I have been created by the Data Integration Thought Entity that supervises this galaxy. I am a humanoid interface designed to make contact with organisms such as yourself. Do you understand?"

I switched my position so that my chin was in my right hand. "I think I do, but more information would be helpful."

"To use a common term, I believe I would be called an 'alien,' though I am not sure how accurate this is when used around one from another country," She replied in her still stable monotone.

An alien... hmmm... I wonder if she knows?


	3. Chapter 3

"My mission is to observe Haruhi Suzumiya and report the information back to the Data Integration Thought Entity," Yuki explained. "I have been performing this task daily since my creation three years ago. It has been peaceful and there have been no uncertain factors. However, irregularities have formed near Haruhi Suzumiya which cannot be ignored. That would be: you.

"To the Data Integration Thought Entity, the third planet in this solar system, this planet, held no special value. However, the current inhabitants of Earth, as your kind calls it, developed a cognitive ability that could be considered intelligence. Thus, humans became much more significant. There is a possibility that humans have the answer to the evolutionary standstill that the Entity has come to.

"Throughout the universe, it is common for organic life forms to develop consciousness. Human beings were the only organic beings whose consciousness evolved into intellect. The Entity carefully, yet thoroughly continued its observations.

"Three years ago, it noticed an unusual flare of data on the surface of the planet. This explosion started from one shape of a bow-shaped archipelago and quickly spread across the entirety of the planet and into space. In the center of all of this was Haruhi Suumiya.

"Over the past three years, multiple investigations have been launched around Haruhi Suzumiya. However, she remains an enigma. One branch of the investigation remains because the Entity thoroughly believes that Haruhi Suzumiya will be the key to human auto evolution as well as its own.

"The Entity has no way of contacting organic beings due to its lack of spoken or written language as well as humans' lack of communication without language. That is why I am here. The Data Integration Thought Entity is able to contact humans through me."

Nagato then took a drink from her own tea as I wondered at what she had said.

Nagato then continued her monologue, "We believe Haruhi Suzumiya is the key to auto-evolution. She can manipulate the universe around her. That is why you and I are here."

"I think I understand," I said slowly. "Although I might argue with what you said about biological intelligence. Before that, however, I'd like to ask a few more on-topic questions. First of all, why tell me who you are? I can easily tell anybody I want exactly what you've told me now."

"Haruhi Suzumiya chose you," she replied without blinking. "Whether she knows it or not, Haruhi Suzumiya has the ability to transform her thoughts and emotions into absolute data. There is a reason Haruhi Suzumiya chose you rather than someone else."

"Where are the hidden cameras?" I asked sarcastically as I dramatically swung my head around.

"There are none. You and Haruhi Suzumiya have the possibilities in your hads," she said in reply.

"So why not tell Haruhi?" I asked eagerly. I now knew that she was completely serious about this.

Nagato replied immediately, "The Entity is under the impression that if Haruhi Suzumiya were aware of her abilities, it would cause a catastrophic event that could destroy our universe. We must continue our observations without her knowledge."

"What If I was to tell her myself?" I said with a little more skepticism than intended.

"Because you do not carry the air of one who takes themselves seriously, Haruhi Suzumiya refuses to take the data you feed her seriously," she has a good point, there.

"You should know that there are other factions of the Entity's observers. One is intent on using more proactive methods to trigger a data release from Haruhi Suzumiya. You are the key to Haruhi; if there is danger, you will be the first target."

I should get going before she tells me something I _really_ don't want to hear. I'm still curious if she knows what I really am...

The moment I entered the classroom the next day, I was glomped by an excited Haruhi.

"The mysterious transfer student is finally here!" She shouted excitedly. "It's gotta be him!"

Though I doubted he was really all that "mysterious," I decided to do as the Romans do. "Really? That's great! I can't wait to meet him." I've learned a lot about lying through my teeth from American politics.

The end of school had snuck up on me a little too quickly. Could this be Haruhi's alleged powers acting up?

I strode towards the clubroom, ready to meet our new inmate, only to find that Haruhi and the new guy had yet to arrive. I decided to quietly play a game of Othello with Mikuru while we waited.

"Alright everybody!" Haruhi shouted as she burst through the door. "I'd like to introduce you to our newest brigade member, and his name is:"

"Istuki Koizumi," the new guy said. He was sporting an odd smile that looked remarkably like the smiles I used to draw on my characters before I learned anatomy.

"There are the other brigade members. You have the distinguished honor of being the fourth member!" Haruhi exclaimed as if it was some sort of special award. Sometimes, even I am amazed by her amazing eccentricity. It occurred to me that she had done this entire introduction in English. All of a sudden I felt my head grow about four feet in each direction... metaphorically...

"I'm glad to join," Itsuki said with a slight accent, "but I wonder what this club is."

"Okay," Haruhi responded, "Let me tell you exactly what this brigade is about. The SOS Brigade's mission is to find aliens, time travelers, and ESPers and hang out with them."

All of a sudden I had the urge to face-palm.

She then repeated the introduction in Japanese and Italian. Italian? Where did this kid transfer from?

"Oh I get it," Itsuki said, keeping his smile. "As expected from miss Suzumiya." This statement made me wonder a bit about his real reason for being so nonchalant about all this. He then extended his hand towards me, making me cringe internally. "I'm Itsuki Koizumi," he said in Italian. Yes, I understand some Italian. This is probably due to the two years of Latin classes I'd taken thus far. He then said something along the lines of "I'm new here, please show me the ropes."

Haruhi then introduced the three of us to Itsuki in what sounded like fluent Italian. How many languages is this girl fluent in?

"It's time for the SOS Brigade to be unveiled!" Haruhi excitedly shouted. I constantly find myself wondering about her mental health. It would seem as though she can't linger on a single subject for more than a moment.

The following day, after school, I accidentally wandered in right as Haruhi was forcing Mikuru to undress. Luckily, I escaped without more than a mental scar. How many do I have now? Six, maybe seven thousand?

"In moe, the maid costume is essential," Haruhi explained while petting Mikuru's hair. Mikuru had been shoved into a maid costume. Haruhi then chucked a camera at my head. Six years of battle ball had really helped my reflexes, so I was able to catch it before my face got any uglier.

I found myself reluctantly willing, no matter how little sense that makes, to take pictures of Mikuru in her new outfit.

"Let's make things a little sexier!" Haruhi said after a while. She then proceeded to unbutton the top three buttons on Mikuru's outfit. Now I was a little more eager to take the pictures.

This went on for a while before Itsuki slowly entered the room.

He begged our pardons and told us to continue as we were as he sat down at his seat with that plastic smile stretched across his face.

"No matter how much this job pays, I'm afraid I'll have to quit soon," I said in my usual overconfident voice. "There could easily be serious repercussions, anyway."

"Oh, fine," Haruhi scowled as she got up. And I thought Nagato said she didn't take me seriously? "Anyway, it's time for our first meeting to begin.

"We've done a lot to come this far, and now the SOS Brigade's fame has skyrocketed! Unfortunately, we haven't gotten a single email about strange phenomenon. Good things may come to those who wait, but they come faster to those who are looking. So let's go out and look!"

"I bet five dollars that I'll find an alien before you do," I said, smiling. I then got a face-full of Haruhi's paperweight. Note to self: don't smile arrogantly with your eyes closed.

We were to meet on Saturday in front of the train station. If anyone arrived late, it would be the death penalty. Lucky for me, I was always taught to leave fifteen minutes before I think I should. Because of this, I found myself at the station almost thirty minutes before Haruhi and the rest of the brigade.

I still had to pay for brunch, though.

Haruhi split us up into two groups to search the city. I managed to get paired up with the one who would be my last choice: Mikuru Asahina. This may not end well.

"This isn't one of your illusionary dreams of reality, Isaac!" Haruhi shouted after we had finished brunch... which _I_ had to pay for. "If you mess around I'll kill you!"

"Darn, and I always expected to be eaten by God Zillah if I had to die in Japan," I joked as she left earshot. Believe it or not, this was one of my _better_ jokes.

Mikuru and I tried to avoid eye contact. I was using the mental excuse of searching for anomalies, although I was sure she was just avoiding my ugly face. That's how it always seems to work out around pretty girls.

"Isaac," Mikuru suddenly spoke up. I reluctantly turned so that she was in my peripheral vision. "There's... something I need to talk to you about."

After a few stuttering failures, probably brought on by my unintentionally intimidating air, she was finally able to get her point across.

"You might not believe a word I'm about to say," she began in fluent English, "but the truth is that I'm not actually from this time plane. I come from the future. I can't tell you from when or where though.

"Think about time like animation, with individual frames making a picture look like it's moving. I'm just an extra picture pasted onto each frame. I'm able to move in three dimensions through the time planes, but that still doesn't quite explain it...

"The point is, I'm here because a timequake happened three years ago. That's three years ago from the time you know as now. It wasn't until recently that we figured out the thing that caused this quake. I mean recently in the time plane that I'm from."

"Judging by the fact that you're telling all this to me, I guess it's safe to assume that Haruhi is the cause of all this," I stated flatly, without taking my eyes off of hers.

"Oh, then Nagato and Koizumi have already told you, then?" She asked as an answer to my question.

"Oh no, Koizumi is involved, too? Who's next, Taniguchi?" I grumbled in exasperation.

"I'm sorry!" Mikuru squealed in terror. "I wasn't supposed to say that... Back to the matter at hand, we have confirmed that Haruhi is at the center of the time distortion. I can't tell you any more because it's classified information, but I can tell you that it was Haruhi Suzumiya who closed our access to the past. I'll understand if you-"

"I completely understand and believe everything you told me," I said in my most serious tone of voice, "but I need to know. Why tell me? I think I know what the answer is, but I need confirmation."

"Because you're the one that miss Suzumiya has chosen," Mikuru stated. "I can't explain more because it's classified information."

"I assume you could tell me what Nagato and Koizumi really are," I might be stepping on thin ice here.

"That's classified," she replied.

"If you're from the future, couldn't you tell me what would happen before it happened? I know it would open up a paradoxical loop, but couldn't you at least hint at what I'm supposed to be doing?" Where's the fun without adrenaline?

"That's classified," Mikuru replied, killing my rush.

"Why not tell Haruhi?" I said. As she opened her mouth, I cut her off, "that's classified, too."

"You don't have to believe me, I just wanted you to know about it," she responded in a rush. Didn't I just hear the same thing a few days ago? "I'm sorry to dump all this on you like I did."

"It wouldn't be the first time this has happened," I said calmly.

Somehow my opinion on my situation had changed drastically over the past few days. When I first moved to Japan, I would've given anything to go back, but now I find myself with the feeling of never wanting to leave. I don't even mind the extra days of school anymore.

"Let's just put aside whether I believe you or not and get back to it later," I suggested.

"Sure!" she enthusiastically replied with a smile.

"Before we do, however, I've got one more question," I continued. "How and when did you learn such good English?"

"That's classified," She replied, more slyly than before. She pulled this adorable look on her face at which I internally face palmed. Why am I cursed with this male mindset?

Haruhi had told us to meet back up at noon, so Mikuru and I started heading back around eleven thirty. When we got back to the station, Haruhi was waiting for us. The look on her face told me I was in for an interrogation.

"Did you find anything?" Haruhi said with a slight frown.

"Yes, I actually spotted quite a few odd anomalies in the park," I said while looking out of the corner of my eye at Mikuru. She was afraid I was about to tell Heruhi what she just told me. "There were so many time travelers and aliens that I didn't know what to do other than just keep walking."

"You're joking," Haruhi said, jaw wide open.

"In case you haven't noticed, everything you see is a time traveler due to the remarkable ability to move forward in time at a constant rate. Furthermore, since I am from America, everything here is alien to me," I felt like such a smartass.

Lucky for me, I remembered to keep my eyes open while smiling all through lunch. Had I made the same mistake as a few days ago, I would've been covered in carbonated soda... yuck...

After lunch, which I paid for _again_, we were split up into groups again. I was paired up with Yuki, while Haruhi unhappily walked off with Itsuki and Mikuru.

Since Yuki was such a dedicated reader, I decided it would be best to "search" the library, but before I could reach out to open the door, she grabbed my collar and dragged me behind a tree. How out of character.

"Stop it," she said monotonously. "I know who you really are."

"Elaborate," I said, worried for my safety.

"You're fooling yourself," she explained. "It will not end well." She then released my shirt and walked into the library.

Ignoring what had just happened, I followed Yuki into the library and looked for something good to read. I eventually found a book entitled _Anatomy Made Simple_, which I thought would greatly help with my artistic talent.

On my way to one of the seats in the reading area, I ran into Yuki.

"If you read books so often, you should probably get a library card. Then, you can just check out books whenever you feel like it," I suggested. She responded with a nod almost too small to see.

A couple hours later, I woke up to find Yuki standing right in front of me with a huge stack of books in her hands.

"We should leave," she said and abruptly turned to leave with the books I assumed she had already checked out.

Looking at the clock, I realized that it was almost five minutes past the time I had wanted to leave, so I quickly sprinted after Yuki, hoping that we wouldn't be late. I like my head on my shoulders, than you.

Even though we arrived early without any of my smart remarks, I still ended up having to buy dinner. I feel like I've been infested by the dreaded Haruhi Parasite. If only this virus were as simple as the zerg...

As we disbanded, Mikuru came up to me and whispered, "I wanted to thank you for listening today." She then sprinted away.

"Okay, what were you really doing today," Haruhi grumbled from behind me.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I said. Then I paused before saying, "Why? Are you jealous of Yuki and Mikuru? I think you're upset because you didn't get to spend time with the second smartest member of the brigade."

"I should punch you for tha—Did you say second smartest?" She then got this horrifying grin on her face that I can only explain as "=D." "Then who's the smartest one in the SOS Brigade?"

"Uhhhhh..." I stuttered, suddenly feeling a lot like Rallen, trying to make up dumb excuses that Jeena wouldn't buy for a minute. "Y-Yuki, duh. Sh-she's the one who reads all those books all the time."

"Riiiiiiight," Haruhi said without dropping that smile.

The humidity on Monday was overwhelming. I stil don't understand how temperature changes so quickly on this planet. Luckily, I had a 2-inch binder with which I could easily fan myself off.

"Send me some of that air," Haruhi said as she plopped into her seat.

I picked up my half-inch mini-binder (two rings instead of three) and dropped it onto her desk. "Humans are intelligent enough to fan themselves." At this, Haruhi simply growled and spent the rest of our classes showering me with unhappiness.

I found myself, once again, sprinting to the clubroom after school. I had an odd hunch I wanted to clarify.

"Itsuki, isn't there something you need to tell me? Perhaps something about Haruhi?" I asked with my voice dripping with conviction. I really like that phrase: voice dripping with. It implies so much that isn't really there. Just like Itsuki's smile implies a calmness that doesn't exist.

"I'm guessing the other two already talked to you, "Itsuki said as we sat down at an outdoor table with our coffee. "How much do you know?"

"Haruhi is definitely abnormal," I began. "I don't mean abnormal like my kind of abnormal; I mean abnormal like David Coperfield abnormal times about a million. I also know that the fourth dimension has been ripped at the seams by Haruhi's abnormality, as has the fabric by which evolution is guided."

"You seem to know a lot,actually," Itsuki said with a hint of surprise in his voice. "I'll just tell you my side of the story, then. I'm an ESPer. I assume you already guessed that. I never expected miss Suzumiya to get us all together so easily.

"I'll be able to explain this better later. A picture's worth a thousand words, and I definitely have something to show you. I'll just give you the short version for now.

"The organization I work for has other ESPers besides yours truly. The school's already been infiltrated by a bunch of us. Ever since three years ago. That's when something very interesting happened, and that is also when the powers I have now awakened."

"How does this involve Haruhi?" I asked, not seeing the connection.

"The elders in the organization believe that this world is something like a dream that a certain entity conjured up. Because it's a dream, it would be very easy for that entity to alter our reality. It could easily destroy the world and create a new one. We think we've found that entity here," Itsuki explained without once dropping his creepy smile.

"Now Haruhi is God. How wonderful," I grumbled loudly.

"I guess so, yes," he replied. "Look at it this way. You've got being such as Asahina, Nagato, and myself all in the same place. Do you think it could be all coincidence? It's all happening because miss Suzumiya wished it three years ago."

"So Haruhi created the universe as we know it three years ago, and all memory before that point in time is illusion? You're starting to sound like a mid-cave prophet," I inquired.

"That's the theory we ESPers have," Itsuki confirmed. "If this world upsets its God, it could be destroyed and created in the blink of an eye. We want to prevent that. Besides, this universe is pretty nice as-is, warts and all."

"I'm guessing you can't tell Haruhi because that could trigger an early 2012," I stated flatly.

"Though I dislike your terminology, that is the basic concept. The organization would prefer it if she never learned about her powers and lived happily ever after. We'll just let sleeping Gods lie," he responded briskly.

"Good way of putting it," I said as my mental gears began to go into overdrive. I feel like I'm talking to Carl Sagan... "Isn't it possible that you ESPers are dreaming this world up?"

"It's always a possibility," Itsuki said boredly, "but right now we're just acting on the worst of worst-case scenarios we can come up with."

"Imagine, if you will, a world in which I don't believe you," I suggested. "If I were to, in this other world, ask you to demonstrate your powers by heating up this cup of coffee which I stupidly allowed to cool, would you be able to?"

"Although that would definitely come in handy, I'm sorry to say that my powers don't work unless certain conditions are present," He explained.

"So if the world were about to end, you could heat up this coffee for me?" I said hopefully.

"If the world were about to end, that particular cup of coffee would cease to exist long before my powers were able to come into play," he admitted with an even broader smile. "However, I think I'll have the opportunity to show you my abilities in the near future.

"I'm sorry for talking for so long. Now excuse me, I think that's enough for today. See you tomorrow." He then turned to leave and almost immediately turned back. "By the way, the biggest mystery is definitely you.

"I know it's kind of rude, but I did some checking up on you. I hope you don't mind. I came up with a few disturbing files which indicate that either you are a completely ordinary American, a very strange human, or something I'd prefer not to say aloud."

As He turned and left I considered inquiring about his sudden change in languages, but I decided just to leave it. Besides, Italian is a language I can handle.

I opened the clubroom door the next day to the sight of Mikuru changing. Does she know how to lock doors?

"I'm sorry!" I shouted as I slammed the door behind me. Now I feel very American.

When I cautiously opened the door five minutes later, I was handed a cup of tea by Mikuru in her maid outfit. Does she really have to do _everything_ Haruhi tells her to? I mean, even I put up a slight resistance.

There was an odd stiffness to her movements. I guess I had embarrassed her a little, not that I was surprised by that fact.

Two hours later, I realized a surprising lack of Haruhi. Do I really want to know why?

I'm sorry it took so long for this chapter to get out, but I've been trying to catch up on Fullmetal Alchemist. Due to my failureness... if that's a word... I only discovered FMA this past weekend, so I'm trying to watch as much as possible.

I'm sorry I made Itsuki an Italian, but there's a method to my madness... I think...

I don't own Haruhi Suzumiya! I hope for no Lawsuits because of this FanFic.


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